Getting caught up?

There's been a resounding theme of catch-up this week in my scope of awareness. Are you noticing it, too?

People seem to be playing catch-up all around me, myself included. ...and it wasn't until the other day that I began to realize what bullshit this game of catch-up actually is. There I was, moving along steadily, right on schedule, all snuggly and warm in my Personal Safety Zone, then *BLAM* -- I get hit hard in the center of my chest with a tremendous blow of anxiety. It came on as I was listening to a recording of a class I had missed... I wasn't doing anything terribly strenuous and, in fact, was feeling really good about reconnecting, albeit virtually, with my teacher and classmates. I knew I needed some support so I stopped what I was doing, made note of the specific topic that was being discussed at the time of the anxiety attack, then began writing about it.

The details of what triggered this anxiety in me are not as relevant as what I learned from writing. Here's what was revealed as I wrote:

"It's about _______. Seriously, [do I have to do this] right now? I'm frustrated because I HAVE to wait  before I can use this piece. I HAVE to wait until I figure out how the heck I'm going to do this other thing -- and in a REALLY big way. I HAVE to bank the knowledge I'm gaining and trust that I'll apply it later. That's really frustrating and causing me anxiety. I SO want to apply more of this right now. ...now, is it really true that I HAVE to wait? No. ...and, I'm still making good progress if I don't [do this] right now."

 

Do you see it? I was clearly NOT being present. I was moving along ALOT faster than I'd realized and getting ahead of myself. My body knew this and retaliated, forcing me to slow down and come back to the reality of what was there for me, in that very moment.

 

I took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and asked, "so, what now?" Then it came to me, loud and clear. If I go after something like I'm chasing it, I'm always going to have to work to catch up with it. This way of going about things is very likely to be stressful, if not at first, then after some time, then, if the chase continues, that stress will turn to anxiety. This can lead to a dreadful loop of self-deprecation, drained energy and even depression.

 

From a place of grounded, centered presence, there is room to think, plan and prioritize. Anything becomes possible as you focus simply on what is and embrace what you want so fully that you really get to know it. There's actually enough room in that very moment, right there on the spot, to notice that you are actually right on time and don't have to get caught up at all!

 

So, I ask you, when you play catch-up, how does it feel? Where are you or have you been playing catch-up in your life? I'd love to hear from you on this.