The Healing Edge: an Introduction

One of the things I've been blessed with in my life is a very rich yoga practice. For me, it's become my wisest teacher, surprising me with new insights and a felt sense of rightness each time I practice. The concept of the healing edge was introduced to me through yoga and has been persistent in my practice from nearly the beginning. It's become a hugely helpful tool for growth as I bring what I've learned and continue to learn in yoga into my entire life.

In a nutshell, the healing edge is that place in you where, if you push past it, you risk injury, and if you don't quite reach it, you stay in the status quo. Your healing edge is that place of balanced effort and surrender where you find equanimity. I've found that it seems to be somewhere between 50 and 70% exerted effort. You go too far and you're struggling, flailing, hurting yourself (or even others); not far enough and you feel like you're lazing your way through, not trying at all. You feel bored, stuck in the same ol' place, or wonder "what's the point of this? it's too easy." The healing edge is that luscious place in between, it's that moving thread of just-right balance where insight is alive and possibility is transformed into something that really IS.

This healing edge is particularly helpful for those of us who are in a state of perpetual growth, always learning and striving to be better. I've been using it a bunch lately to work past difficult patches and the effect has been nothing short of transformative! It has helped me to tap into my internal wisdom, using it as my guide, to grow stronger, more courageous and easy-going. As a highly sensitive person, I'm prone to overwhelm at certain times and I've gotten pretty good at managing those times that are environmental or emotional in nature, but things get a bit tricky when the question of the purpose of my existence comes into play.

Perhaps this concept is totally new to you, so let me break it down. The idea of the healing edge has to do with the fact that the physical growth of living things happens at the edges. Two examples come to mind...

Imagine a sprouting seed, for one example. Under the right conditions, a dry, hard seed placed into soil will eventually sprout and transform into something grander, more substantial, more effective, more whole -- its ultimate plant form. It is at its healing edge where both new growth springs forth and old tissues die away.

Picture taken from http://www.steve.gb.com/science/plant_growth.html

As the seed swells and cracks through its outer shell, the cells of the sprout differentiate to become the first leaves, stem and rootlings of this new plant, the leaves grow and unfold, creating a pressure that eventually bursts forth from the hard outer casing entirely. The rootlings turn to roots,  becoming thicker and more effective at drawing nutrients and water as they reach downward and outward, expanding their hold and growing their network. The tiny petiole of a stem that was once tucked between the first leaves and the rootlings of this new seedling, widens as it lengthens, developing its structure especially designed for supporting the plant physically and providing a sort of conduit through which nutrients and water flow. The earliest leaves unfurl and spread as they follow the path of the apical meristem of the original germ, that persistent place in this budding form where cell differentiation initiates. This is the place where the cells of the new leaves, stems, and branches, possibly even flowers and fruit if it's in the plant's nature to develop those, get their functional assignments and transform from the same-same cells of the early seed to the reaching, growing, absorbing, breathing, supporting cells of the growing plant's whole self. The plant continues to grow as its cells differentiate throughout its entire life. It is at that place of differentiation where the healing edge of this plant resides.

Now, let's bring this into the human realm.

My favorite pose in yoga for finding my healing edge at this stage in my personal growth and yoga practice is Parsvottanasana because of its rich offerings of strengthening and flexibility in nearly every part of the body all at once. This pose creates an experience for me to feel wholly into those places of growth within my body and offers the fringe benefit of calming the mind. When I hold the pose long enough, exerting just the right amount of effort to maintain my alignment while deepening the stretch, breathing into it deeply to create space and relax into a place of feeling physically supported and held, I can begin to feel into those places of growth within my psyche and my soul. A simpler pose I'd like to offer is Upavistha Konasana (seated wide angle) as a another example of finding your healing edge so that you, too, can begin to bring it into your life. Check out Jess Ryan's video as she demonstrates. Notice how she speaks of "finding your own edge" about 2:40 minutes into the recording. As you practice this pose, you might even notice how you can find your own edge not only in how far you lean forward, but in the width of the angle of your legs, or even in the subtle nuances you can feel as you release into the pose. This is a great place to begin developing your awareness of this concept of the healing edge in your body so you can then begin bringing this awareness with you as you go about living your whole and beautiful life.

What other examples can you draw on from your own vast knowledge base to help you to find and explore your healing edge? Can you find it? How can you use it to nourish and germinate the seed of your intention -- the purpose behind your very existence? It just takes practice. Let it work its magic in you ... one breath at a time.

Getting caught up?

There's been a resounding theme of catch-up this week in my scope of awareness. Are you noticing it, too?

People seem to be playing catch-up all around me, myself included. ...and it wasn't until the other day that I began to realize what bullshit this game of catch-up actually is. There I was, moving along steadily, right on schedule, all snuggly and warm in my Personal Safety Zone, then *BLAM* -- I get hit hard in the center of my chest with a tremendous blow of anxiety. It came on as I was listening to a recording of a class I had missed... I wasn't doing anything terribly strenuous and, in fact, was feeling really good about reconnecting, albeit virtually, with my teacher and classmates. I knew I needed some support so I stopped what I was doing, made note of the specific topic that was being discussed at the time of the anxiety attack, then began writing about it.

The details of what triggered this anxiety in me are not as relevant as what I learned from writing. Here's what was revealed as I wrote:

"It's about _______. Seriously, [do I have to do this] right now? I'm frustrated because I HAVE to wait  before I can use this piece. I HAVE to wait until I figure out how the heck I'm going to do this other thing -- and in a REALLY big way. I HAVE to bank the knowledge I'm gaining and trust that I'll apply it later. That's really frustrating and causing me anxiety. I SO want to apply more of this right now. ...now, is it really true that I HAVE to wait? No. ...and, I'm still making good progress if I don't [do this] right now."

 

Do you see it? I was clearly NOT being present. I was moving along ALOT faster than I'd realized and getting ahead of myself. My body knew this and retaliated, forcing me to slow down and come back to the reality of what was there for me, in that very moment.

 

I took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and asked, "so, what now?" Then it came to me, loud and clear. If I go after something like I'm chasing it, I'm always going to have to work to catch up with it. This way of going about things is very likely to be stressful, if not at first, then after some time, then, if the chase continues, that stress will turn to anxiety. This can lead to a dreadful loop of self-deprecation, drained energy and even depression.

 

From a place of grounded, centered presence, there is room to think, plan and prioritize. Anything becomes possible as you focus simply on what is and embrace what you want so fully that you really get to know it. There's actually enough room in that very moment, right there on the spot, to notice that you are actually right on time and don't have to get caught up at all!

 

So, I ask you, when you play catch-up, how does it feel? Where are you or have you been playing catch-up in your life? I'd love to hear from you on this.

Nothing like a little mass distruction to start the day.

I woke Friday morning to the sound of my favorite radio deejay's voice calmly advising that there would be a tsunami arriving at 8 and that I should check the news for details. Her message was brief, without substantiating details. My first groggy thought was, "Is it April 1st? Is she trying to fool us?" Quickly becoming alert, I convinced myself that, no, it was still March. So I went to the computer to see what I could learn. Little did I know then what a wake up call this was.

There had been a massive earthquake in Japan and the entire Pacific bowl was to be affected by a tsunami. I quickly gathered what information I could to first determine my own safety, then set out to get a better picture of the bigger story.

Family okay, check.
Others in my community okay, check.
Then I heard that schools were closed. I've heard of snow days, but tsunami days?!

I put two and two together, realizing that a couple of our local schools are shelter locations during events such as this and drove down to the local elementary school to see if I could lend a hand. A representative from the American Red Cross assured me that they had only about twenty evacuees and that they had plenty of support for that number of people. He suggested that how I could really help would be to become directly involved with disaster relief in my area. You see, said he, most of the volunteers had to come from miles away to support this morning's evacuation effort. Had this turned out to be a real large-scale disaster, one where people are not just temporarily displaced, but homes are destroyed, infrastructure is disrupted or damaged and all things are thrown into a shocking state of mayhem, he and they would not have been able to get here so easily, at least not without a helicopter. Seriously.

So that got me to thinking as I was listening to my fear shouting, "We've got to do something!" My fear fed by remembering all the criticism over how long it took FEMA to get clean water to the communities devastated by Hurricane Katrina, or the utter helplessness I feel when I hear, "what are they going to do about those over-heating nuclear reactors?" The hackles of idealism are going up along the ridge of my back as I type. Something's got to be done. Just who is this they anyway? It's really all about me, us, and we, when it comes down to it. Isn't it? The way I see it, having better and more local safeguards in place, including being personally prepared, is critical in ensuring that disaster victims are cared for quickly and effectively. No matter where you live, there's some real threat of something happening that can devastate your life, your family, your home, your community. Any of us could be a disaster victim. I know you need no convincing that the threat is real!

...and here I am all up in arms and at the same time full of anxiety over the sheer insignificance that I feel when I consider the size of the role that I alone play in all this. In the midst of knowing I'm safe and others are in sheer tumult. I've got to do something and I could be doing so much more. Taking a big, deep breath, there's a swell of relief that comes when I realize that I'm not alone, it is we who are at work here. ... and WE make a difference every time we increase our awareness and open our hearts toward others. We care, we can't help it. These small actions of compassionate listening empower us to know what to do in times like these by improving our ability to respond and to feel the significance of the profound ripple effect each of our efforts has on the healing of the whole.

I'm going to start small and work outward from there. I've decided I will engage in a conversation with my husband to come up with a disaster preparedness plan for our household, something we haven't done formally. I want to have a plan for what we'll do if disaster strikes and we're apart when it happens. ...and I want to have this plan in place by the end of this week. What if we can't reach each other by phone and panic begins to take hold? I know for us, having an agreement about what we'll do so that we can count on certain behavior from one another is key. I will start there. The Red Cross has all kinds of information about disaster preparedness and is a wonderful resource for you to find ways to help, too. I hope you'll join me in taking some actions this week to ensure that we're even more ready to protect ourselves and to care for each other when disaster strikes again. All I'm asking is that you decide to do something to prepare yourself just a bit better. Join me and develop a disaster preparedness plan for yourself. Are you in? Let me know what you decide by leaving a comment.

Detachment of Heroic Proportions

There's an overwhelming sense of angst in the air today and it seems to be coming from the debilitating shadow cast by that evil nemesis, the Great Unknown.

I spent a good part of the morning diving into what it is that I don't know to see what I could learn from it and here's what I found:

1) What I don't know is WAY more than what I do know. Not only does this mean that I have alot more to learn, it also and possibly even more importantly means that I can't possibly know everything or even most of everything. This is somehow freeing in that I'm able to give myself permission to not know. Hey! I get to not know! I don't have to have all the answers. phew.

2) Since what I don't know is WAY more than what I do know, it requires a ton of room to exist within. This means that I can't possibly hold the space within myself for all there is that I don't already know. It's no wonder that I'm feeling yucky and over-taxed. I've been trying to contain all this unknown somehow! Who do I think I am? Hercules?

3) Realizing that I'd been trying to contain way more than what was mine to contain, I called upon a few members of my support team: meditation, a good cry, and talking it out. I'm now feeling at least a bit more present and have purged a good portion of the angst.

4) Now exhausted, yet softened and more pliant, I can feel the hold of the Great Unknown loosen its grip as I, too, loosen mine. I'm reminded to let go of any attachment I have to the outcomes that I hope for and to simply trust that I am doing what I can, showing up to be with what is, and responding just as I do, without worrying that I have to get it exactly right. A wise woman I know said this recently and it's really resonating with me right now: "When I let go of the control, and respond from a place that is grounded, detached, and confidently secure (it doesn't matter what happens - both outcomes are good ones), I get the response that I'm hoping for and then some."

...and so, feeling very relieved that I don't have to know everything and I don't have to carry the weight of the entirety of the unknown either, I'm feeling a sense of safety and spaciousness around me. I'm grateful for the support of others and my courage to sit with the unknown.

What about you? Are you ready to dive in to the Great Unknown to see what you can learn? Do it. You'll feel better in the long run, I promise. I'd love to hear how it goes!

Smoke, Seeds and Shadows

A fierce wind blew out the moon late last night and brought in a morning so cloudless that everything was broadly lit by a rich, gorgeously golden sunlight. The crisp robin's egg blue sky provided such a contrast to the edges of the leaves and the hills and the birds and the wires that the word perspective didn't sufficiently describe the depth and aliveness of the scene.

It's midseason and also Groundhog Day, with a blown out moon, to boot, so I conjured up a bit of ceremony to call in spring by honoring its approach, lighting a bonfire and planting a few seeds, both those of intention and the vegetable kind, all under the supervision and guidance of my two dogs, three goats, several ravens and a red shouldered hawk. ...while chirpily serenaded by a chorus of frogs. It really was quite lovely!

Meanwhile, across the continent, Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator of prognosticators, has predicted that spring will come early this year, which makes me feel far less guilty for enjoying this beautiful day as I have been knowing that many, many others are suffering subzero temperatures and more snow than they'd like. Spring is on its way!

This day is a good day for grounding activities -- there's been so much expansive, sometimes creative, even destructive energy in the air that it's left many exhausted and overwhelmed, and others a bit confused or disoriented. Take good care, be close to the earth, light a candle (or a bonfire!) and take a good long soak in a beautifully scented, salted bath. The steps that you've taken and the cycles you have set in motion are about to reveal something big! Best that you are ready.

5 Steps to Rejuvenate after the Holidays

This first week of the new year has been a whirlwind for me. Coming down from the sugar high and other overindulgences, ramping up for things to get back to some semblance of normal, cleaning out the accumulated clutter of decorations and leftover trimmings, and embarking into the uncharted territories ahead with the support of a new business building program underway... I'm feeling amped up, but admittedly a bit spun out! I'm feeling the need to get grounded and rejuvenated.

I imagine that a little rejuvenation might feel good to you right about now, too.

So... how can I keep this energetically lifted feeling, yet eliminate the overwhelm, you ask? Just follow these five easy steps and you'll be on your way:

STEP 1 -- Allow yourself to dream. What is it that you absolutely love? What feeds your soul? The fresh scent of earth as it's churned beneath your trowel? The vastness and wonder of a starry night sky or a rugged, isolated beach? The ecstatic bliss of being completely surrounded by and filled with music as you close your eyes and your body moves magically to the beat, the rhythm, the melody...

STEP 2 -- Decide. Now, if you weren't having fun already, really let loose here. What one thing would be most amazing to immerse yourself in right now? That's the one!

STEP 3 -- Schedule some YOU time. No have-to, must-do, gotta get done stuff here. And try and carve out time that will be yours alone. How much time depends on you. Two or three hours would be a really good start, but don't knock yourself if you can dedicate only 15 minutes. Seriously, write it on your calendar or your favorite time management tool. Consider scheduling several shorter "YOU times" if one long one feels daunting. [hint: this is a great place to ask for some help -- help caring for the kids, taking care of Mom, preparing that presentation. Now's a great time to cash in on offers of assistance and to delegate.]

STEP 4 -- Get moving! Put on your gardening clogs (or hiking boots, or dancing shoes...), get out there, and do it!

STEP 5 -- Reflect and acknowledge. After you return from your YOU time, perhaps as you close your eyes and nestle in to sleep that night, allow the memories of it to come rushing back. What were the smells in the air, the sensations on your skin, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the energy? Reflect on the details of your experience and give yourself some much-deserved credit for taking the time to recharge!

I'd love to hear how this goes for you, your experiences, what came easily and what got in the way... Please leave your comments below.

Reflections

Catching myself gazing deeply at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, scrutinizing the creases of my forehead, the unevenness of my skin tone and the loss of elasticity of the skin of my throat, I shift my thoughts in an effort to distract myself from what could become a seriously vicious game of a let's-find-all-your-flaws. Struck by the metaphor of the looking glass, I decide to take a look, instead, at what's good and true in my life by reviewing the events of this past year. Remind myself what I've been up to, what I've learned and give myself credit for a few things (for a change...). "Step away from the mirror!" I say sternly to myself. I shift my energy and my attitude consciously by moving to my favorite sitting spot, closing my eyes and allowing the meanness of my mind to clear. Hum saaaaaa.....

After several breaths (okay, maybe a hundred or so), a sense of freedom rises within me and my kinder, gentler self emerges. "You've had one pretty amazing year, Lydia!" she says, brightly. "You're not kidding," I respond. "I think it was the best year yet!" we chime together.

I open my eyes and feel tremendously refreshed. My curiosity pulls me over to my calendar to review all that's happened. Being seen (REALLY being seen), new career, training after training, amazing (like never before) learning experiences,  adventure, travel (finally used my passport!), new and deepening connections, new friends, new clients, deceit and the opportunity to recover from it, death, death, death, including it all and releasing the stuff that no longer serves me. A big year, indeed.

One unexpected benefit of all that happened to me in this past year is that others are getting more of the good stuff that comes from me and me of them. There's a sort of conscious expansion that's happening between those I'm closest to that's nothing less than magical. It's like what I got out of this year has boiled over, providing others with the results of my lessons as I've learned BIG and have more of myself to give than ever.

Here are some of the discoveries, explorations and highlights of my year:
MAGNITUDE -- a clear realization that I've been playing way too small my whole life and that I must step forth boldly, take bigger risks, become visible (highly visible) and achieve great things...

COACHING -- now THIS is a way I can serve! mentoring, supporting, listening, growing, transforming, connecting... profoundly satisfying!

AWARENESS -- I now know WAY more about myself (thus the world) than ever... I'm gaining confidence, skills, mastery, wisdom, patience, compassion and a sense of the synergy that exists in REAL learning -- magical.

SELF-COMPASSION -- stopped beating myself up (I'm still working on this one) and began treating myself more like someone I dearly love. People are imperfect and prone to making mistakes and poor judgment calls. Forgive thyself and start living NOW!

LOSS -- it happens, it hurts, include it in all that you are and feel it fully. Tremendous growth follows.

ADVENTURE -- just do it! live today. explore without judgment and with plenty of curiosity, be with everything that happens as it happens... pure bliss!

As the year winds down, I feel an increasing sense of gratitude for my life and the opportunities that I've been blessed with. There are so many things that I've experienced for the first time and seemingly countless and interwoven themes to accompany the moments I've spent. Surprisingly, and what feels like another first, I'm not overwhelmed by the hugeness of all this, rather I feel very well fed. Nurtured.

When you look back on your year, what do you notice? What have you learned? How have you stepped forth? Give yourself the time and space to reflect a bit and acknowledge yourself for all you've been through, good and bad. Let me know how it goes, will you? Just leave a comment here...

6 tips for giving new meaning to Thanksgiving

This year we're staying home for Thanksgiving, just the three of us. ...and it's such a relief!

For years I would dread the coming of this holiday and I've rebelled against it in many ways throughout my adulthood. I rarely see my original family during this holiday anymore and I've inflicted tremendous guilt on myself for not feeling sad about this. It wasn't until embracing my sadness around the whole concept of Thanksgiving that I have felt not only relief from guilt and what I'm supposed to do, but a deep realization that I've actually not been rebelling so much as defining my own meaning of Thanksgiving.

The traditions set out for us as children are those of our parents and our forebears as taught to us in grade school. It's a time of gathering, possibly with family that may not be able or willing to engage in a way that feels good. It might entail traveling long distances, and at a time when air travel is an absolute cattle call and airfares are high. It means feasting, which can mean having way more food than is needed to feed those at the table, left over to be gorged upon in the coming days when others, even those in our own communities, are hungry and alone. ...and most of all, it means giving thanks, yet there can be a certain religious righteousness that goes all the way back to the Pilgrims that doesn't quite feel right (or at least for me, that's the case). In many ways, it represents traditions that may no longer serve us as adults. The good news is, we get to decide which traditions to carry forward and take the opportunity to reframe the holiday so we can enjoy it!

Answering the following questions can help bring new meaning to Thanksgiving for you. I've provided my own answers to these questions as examples.

1) What do you need and not need? What you think (or know) others expect of you will creep in here -- be careful to focus on your own needs when answering this question.

I need: deep connection, an opportunity to share abundance, to honor the harvest, to be encouraged to express myself and to feel safe and cared for in the company that's present.
I do not need: to travel long distances, to be with people who don't wish to engage with me, or to overindulge.
*hint* look to what matters most to you (your core values) to assist you here

2) What is your role THIS year? How do you want to take part? Notice how others' expectations of you creep in here, too. Focus on yourself and the part you want to play.
This year: I'm Mom -- creating a warm and welcome place for my step-daughter to come home to; I'm Wife -- providing a safe and nurturing refuge to my husband so he can be free to attend to his needs; I'm Daughter and Sister -- connecting with my parents and siblings by phone, meeting them right where they are; I'm a Sensitive Idealist -- donating extra food and volunteer hours to the local food pantry and preparing locally and sustainably grown foods for our table; I'm a Servant-Leader -- teaching by example and encouraging others to get what they need out of this holiday; and I'm a Compassionate Spiritual Being -- grateful to those who have sacrificed and lost, those who have taught me hard lessons and blessed by the abundance in my life.

3) Is there an emotion or feeling that you push aside when you think about all this?
Guilt and sadness are mine. Perhaps you feel lonely or misunderstood. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. Spend some time with this feeling, really be with this feeling, and notice what comes up. Blame? Fear? Relief? Anger? It's helpful to do this in conversation with a close friend, mentor or another who supports you.

4) What are you grateful for? Give voice to these things and be open to listening to the gratitude others express.
I'm grateful for my loving family, my ability to be compassionate to others' needs and the amazing uncertainty of each new day.

5) What traditions would you like to manifest? Take a look at the beliefs and customs you've experienced around celebrating Thanksgiving. What do you want to carry forward? What do you want to add or change? I like to think about what causes me and my family the least amount of stress when I consider this one. I also like to focus on what I love about the holiday and leave the rest. ;o)
I love the tradition of having certain items on the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, cranberry sauce and a green vegetable are a must. My additions to this piece are that we always buy an organic, free-range, locally grown turkey, my husband prepares it on the grill, and our green veggie of choice is brussels sprouts (as opposed to the green bean casserole my mom always made). Most, if not all, of the ingredients for our meal are locally and sustainably grown.
My husband and I provide a warm and welcome place that my step-daughter looks forward to coming home to.
I create a safe and comfortable environment for myself and encourage others to express their needs so that we can co-create safe and comfortable spaces for them, too.
I connect with my extended family by phone and share stories with them of the celebrations in each of our homes.
I engage in sharing abundance and gratitude and encourage others to do the same.

6) What about next year? It's important to be flexible and focus on what matters at the present time. Know that in future years your needs, roles and emotions may be different. You may be a guest and be uninvolved with preparing the meal (or selecting its ingredients), you may not have someone with you that you'd like to have with you, or you may choose to forgo the meal and focus on other traditions you've identified as important to you. Revisit these questions each year to be sure you're honoring your own traditions and keep your meaning of Thanksgiving current.

Identifying what's important to you then choosing to honor those things will give you tremendous freedom. Honor your values this Thanksgiving. It's a good first step in giving new meaning to the holiday!