The Plan

Yesterday someone asked me, "How are you planning for 2012?"

This got me thinking, "Am I planning for 2012? Is planning even my thing?"

...and so, I've been sitting with these questions and here is what came to me...

I am enjoying the winding down of the season, the shortening of the days, and the lengthening of the nights. I have been turning inward, sleeping more, reading more, spending more time alone (is that even possible??) and feeding my body what it craves. Interestingly, the days and nights have been gorgeously clear and crisp, the sun-shadows-scents-wind-stars-moon richly present. I've been feeding my soul with nature's beauty and have noticed the few-and-far-between conversations I'm having with others are deep and wonderful. Mmmm...

I am spending time this week and next in the mindset of strategic planning. I'm initiating some changes for my business and my vision for these changes is HUGE! I'm giving this vision room to step forth and take form. ...and in the midst of making room, people have stepped in to help and support me... Who knew?

I am beginning to reflect, but not dwell, on my past experiences, wins, failures (Ta Da!!), awarenesses, pains, achievements, fears, and connections. I may focus on this calendar year or I may not. Lately I've been noticing stuff from my early childhood and my late teenage years that deserves refection, too. I'm also reflecting on the synchronicities I've encountered in just the span of last week or yesterday or this morning, for that matter. It's a practice of witnessing my past with loving curiosity and equanimity. I'm witnessing a life of adventure and discovery unfolding before my very own inward gaze. Wow!

Now, for me, since I've been asked, I can honestly say that I have been planning and at the same time reflecting and being very present in each moment. ...and as I step back, I can see that planning is my thing in this organic sort of way. I wouldn't say that my plans are bounded neatly within the next calendar year, however. As I take a good look, I can see that my plans range from broad to specific, simple to complex, and as near term as this afternoon, as long term as my whole foreseeable life. For me, 2012 is less an interval to plan within and more a milestone filled with milestones -- to reach, to witness, to look back and reflect upon.

What about you? How are you planning for 2012? Is planning even your thing? Please share by leaving a comment.

A Heretic's Path

I'm ready to come out. I admit it. I'm a bit of a heretic. It's deep within my nature to stand in the face of Opposition (perceived and real) and defy its polar essence. ...and by Opposition, I mean conventional beliefs, the beliefs of the righteous, the acts of those who are party to destructive conflict, even simple emotions such as fear or reactions such as self preservation. Anything that feels like it gets in the way of or brings one to avoid something bigger, possibly scary and probably something a bit more uncertain. One big reason that I'm here (on this Earth, at this time, writing this blog post right now) is to stand up and shout "YOU CARE, SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" I'm here to stand by you as you stand in your own fear and reactions to face whatever opposition comes your way. We each need to show up, big time. The safety of inaction and complacency IS part of the problem. Things are NOT just the way they are. We CAN do something about it. Resignation does not equal Acceptance. It's missing the critical element of Compassion.

As a part of my celebration of and involvement in the growing movement of Peace, I've been listening to calls on The Shift Network's program, PeaceWeek 2011. I've been moved again and again by the possibilities and encouragement that's been presented. I was blessed to be on calls with two of my heroes (and, dare I say, role models?), Marianne Williamson and Deepak Chopra. Hearing their voices again helped to clear away the static and present me, once again, with the evidence and inspiration I needed to refuel my heretic's spirit.

My take-away, that I'd like to share with you, is that PEACE IS POSSIBLE and we each have a role to play in making this possibility increasingly the reality. Marianne Williamson spoke of Fierce Peace -- actually standing at the heated centers of conflict and bringing Love in. Deepak Chopra spoke that Peace is the Way -- that it's an inside-out process, that Peace starts and is cultivated within, then flows outward. Both presented practical methods each of us can use to move our intentions of peace into appropriate actions of peace as we make our invaluable contributions to the expansion of Peace everywhere. You can access recordings to their talks (and many others) here.

For me, being on this heretic's path requires an attitude of passionate equanimity (or at least holding that as the ideal state to step forth from). ...and as a sensitive idealist, that ain't easy! In this state, I can feel others' suffering and not turn away in fear or with feelings of helplessness to do anything. I know where my responsibility lies, and that's as a transformative change agent.

There are three threads that I noticed in common between Marianne and Deepak's talks that seem to speak to finding that place of passionate equanimity so we can stand fiercely in the face of [perceived] opposition and make the difference we're meant to make.

1. We must continually address our own issues and stay in an upward trajectory of personal growth. This piece is internal, psycho-physical and includes self-care. Yes, we will backslide into old patterns, get caught up in other people's business and be stumped at times as to where to turn or how to keep going, but we must feel into the persistence of Life within us and keep growing. The seed of our intentions lies here.
2. We must hold a spiritual connection, whether that's through prayer, meditation, walks in the woods or following the teachings of a sage or messiah, in order to remain inspired. There's maintenance involved here, too, which can mean cultivating creativity, taking spiritual retreats, being in community, and practicing gratitude. Our spiritual connection amplifies our intentions.
3. We must stand courageously compassionate. This is where we show up bringing with us what we want to see more of in the world, things like respect, tolerance, consideration, deep, attentive listening... Our intentions are transmitted, reflected and compounded exponentially by everything around us.

It's an inside-out process. Peace starts within and flows outward, expanding. The intention of peace is amplified by our own personal growth, our own particular level of consciousness. Peace grows and flows like a rich, primordial stew.

So, I wonder... What's your role in the expansion of peace? If peace isn't your thing, then what is? What do you want to see more of in the world that you can bring with you the next place you show up? I'd love to hear from you about this -- please comment below.

Wants vs. Needs

I've been receiving a wide variety of messages from the Universe lately. Finally, things are clicking together and I'm starting to see the lesson that has been laid out in front of me.

Here's what I've encountered:
In my mastermind group last week, there was a blow-up that questioned the level of commitment each of us has to our common goals. It was clear that what at least two of us in the group wanted was different enough that it caused us to come to a place of conflict. This blow-up provided me with a clear lesson in discernment, which opened up my awareness around the effect I have on people when I show up wearing my intentions on my sleeve -- in this case, my willingness to be vulnerable and to be in a place of not knowing. This new level of awareness around discernment allowed me to bring inspiration to others a couple days later as we focused together on the last line of the Serenity Prayer: "...and the wisdom to know the difference." Somehow, first knowing the difference brought me the courage to share my story, then came the serenity of acceptance as I began to see the events of the blow-up as opportunities to gain clarity and tremendous insight.

Then, this past weekend, I was in another situation where several of us were co-leading and got into a state of stumbling around trying to anticipate each other's needs. Well, we got all snagged up at one point and when we came together later to clear and regroup, we each realized that we'd made certain incorrect assumptions about the others' needs so we each talked about what we wanted for ourselves and for the group and made room to give voice to our intentions more carefully, with more specific detail. I know that what I encountered earlier in the week had a direct affect on the speed of recovery in this snafu.

Still, I wasn't sure why I'd been thrown into two difficult situations in one week. It had something to do with discernment, showing up fully and being present enough to make use of whatever's here in the moment -- I knew at least that much.

This morning it all came together for me as I read Molly Gordon's latest blog post. It was about Wants vs. Needs! In day to day life, we rarely get the opportunity to candidly speak of what we need without sounding, well, needy. I've been given a now very clear reminder of the importance of discerning between wants and needs layered with taking into consideration who I'm in relationship with, what my intentions are for the relationship at that moment and how I share those intentions. Those of us of the highly sensitive variety get to experience a focus on needs when we choose to attend HSP Gatherings and often carry that into other situations. Other times we might get to talk about needs in certain open-hearted environments that provide deep, loving support. But outside of those circumstances, it's generally our job to first get clear on our own needs, keep the focus of our needs on ourselves AND in so doing, share our wants with others so that we can find and acquire the resources we need to grow. Ahhhh...

Where has the discernment between wants and needs shown up in your life recently? I'd love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.

A blessing of trees and storms

The Man Watching
-Rainer Maria Rilke

I can tell by the way the trees beat, after
so many dull days, on my worried windowpanes
that a storm is coming,
and I hear the far-off fields say things
I can't bear with a friend,
I can't love without a sister.

The storm, the shifter of shapes, drives on
across the woods and across time,
and the world looks as if it had no age:
the landscape, like a line in the psalm book,
is seriousness and weight and eternity.

What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights with us is so great!
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.

When we win it's with small things,
and the triumph itself makes us small.
What is extraordinary and eternal
does not want to be bent by us.
I mean the Angel who appeared
to the wrestlers of the Old Testament:
when the wrestlers' sinews
grew long like metal strings,
he felt them under his fingers
like chords of deep music.

Whoever was beaten by this Angel
(who often simply declined the fight)
went away proud and strengthened
and great from that harsh hand,
that kneaded him as if to change his shape.
Winning does not tempt that man.
This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,
by constantly greater beings.

-Translated by Robert Bly

from Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation

Edited by Roger Housden

Getting caught up?

There's been a resounding theme of catch-up this week in my scope of awareness. Are you noticing it, too?

People seem to be playing catch-up all around me, myself included. ...and it wasn't until the other day that I began to realize what bullshit this game of catch-up actually is. There I was, moving along steadily, right on schedule, all snuggly and warm in my Personal Safety Zone, then *BLAM* -- I get hit hard in the center of my chest with a tremendous blow of anxiety. It came on as I was listening to a recording of a class I had missed... I wasn't doing anything terribly strenuous and, in fact, was feeling really good about reconnecting, albeit virtually, with my teacher and classmates. I knew I needed some support so I stopped what I was doing, made note of the specific topic that was being discussed at the time of the anxiety attack, then began writing about it.

The details of what triggered this anxiety in me are not as relevant as what I learned from writing. Here's what was revealed as I wrote:

"It's about _______. Seriously, [do I have to do this] right now? I'm frustrated because I HAVE to wait  before I can use this piece. I HAVE to wait until I figure out how the heck I'm going to do this other thing -- and in a REALLY big way. I HAVE to bank the knowledge I'm gaining and trust that I'll apply it later. That's really frustrating and causing me anxiety. I SO want to apply more of this right now. ...now, is it really true that I HAVE to wait? No. ...and, I'm still making good progress if I don't [do this] right now."

 

Do you see it? I was clearly NOT being present. I was moving along ALOT faster than I'd realized and getting ahead of myself. My body knew this and retaliated, forcing me to slow down and come back to the reality of what was there for me, in that very moment.

 

I took a few deep breaths, closed my eyes and asked, "so, what now?" Then it came to me, loud and clear. If I go after something like I'm chasing it, I'm always going to have to work to catch up with it. This way of going about things is very likely to be stressful, if not at first, then after some time, then, if the chase continues, that stress will turn to anxiety. This can lead to a dreadful loop of self-deprecation, drained energy and even depression.

 

From a place of grounded, centered presence, there is room to think, plan and prioritize. Anything becomes possible as you focus simply on what is and embrace what you want so fully that you really get to know it. There's actually enough room in that very moment, right there on the spot, to notice that you are actually right on time and don't have to get caught up at all!

 

So, I ask you, when you play catch-up, how does it feel? Where are you or have you been playing catch-up in your life? I'd love to hear from you on this.

I wish I knew more about...

M82: Images From Space Telescopes Produce Stunning View of Starburst Galaxy, Chandra X-ray Observatory

I wish I knew more about space. Like how much to allow myself to process something or to get something done just the way I want it to turn out. There always seems to be this sense of urgency, like I should already know or be well on my way or that it should have been done by now. Just how much space do I need to come fully present into myself, or for my coaching practice to fully manifest, or for me to put my aversion to conflict into action in a way that powerfully serves. How much space do I allow others to be in their stuff? How much do I participate in affecting the quality of the space? I get the sense that if I allow enough space for myself, for others, for that thing to manifest, then there becomes enough room for growth, for playful creativity, for messiness. Does it help if I name the space or give it a place to be found?

At the moment, it seems that the more I understand about the space that I allow (how much and other qualities that define it), the more room there is for me to grow and to support others in their own growth at the same time. It turns out that I need ALOT of space with just-right measures of interrelations in order to feel like I'm thriving. It helps me to keep in step with what I know while opening me up to take in what I don't yet know. This wish for knowing more about space is a tasty one indeed. I get to keep knowing more and there will still be more to learn.

I'm just coming out of a place of needing a tremendous amount of space and it seems to be that I'm not alone. Yet space is so, well, nebulous. I'm curious what allowing space means to you. What's at least one way that you allow yourself or someone else space? What are the qualities of that space?

Smoke, Seeds and Shadows

A fierce wind blew out the moon late last night and brought in a morning so cloudless that everything was broadly lit by a rich, gorgeously golden sunlight. The crisp robin's egg blue sky provided such a contrast to the edges of the leaves and the hills and the birds and the wires that the word perspective didn't sufficiently describe the depth and aliveness of the scene.

It's midseason and also Groundhog Day, with a blown out moon, to boot, so I conjured up a bit of ceremony to call in spring by honoring its approach, lighting a bonfire and planting a few seeds, both those of intention and the vegetable kind, all under the supervision and guidance of my two dogs, three goats, several ravens and a red shouldered hawk. ...while chirpily serenaded by a chorus of frogs. It really was quite lovely!

Meanwhile, across the continent, Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator of prognosticators, has predicted that spring will come early this year, which makes me feel far less guilty for enjoying this beautiful day as I have been knowing that many, many others are suffering subzero temperatures and more snow than they'd like. Spring is on its way!

This day is a good day for grounding activities -- there's been so much expansive, sometimes creative, even destructive energy in the air that it's left many exhausted and overwhelmed, and others a bit confused or disoriented. Take good care, be close to the earth, light a candle (or a bonfire!) and take a good long soak in a beautifully scented, salted bath. The steps that you've taken and the cycles you have set in motion are about to reveal something big! Best that you are ready.

Information is Key

I had planned to write today's blog post on my experiences while traveling in Cambodia last summer, but the events of my last fifteen hours or so have pointed me in another direction.

While working diligently yesterday afternoon on my homework for the awesome business-building course I'm taking, my elder dog, Kelly, was out back suffering from the sudden onset of what I believe to be Vestibular Disease. My focus was on myself and my work and I hadn't noticed how quiet my dogs were being as I plugged away happily, feeling quite content with my progress. You can imagine my dismay and gut-wrenching sadness when I went to let the girls in and found our dear Kelly seemingly unable to sense the location of the Earth beneath her, a dribble of saliva dangling from her typically dainty muzzle. I stood stricken, at first wanting to blame myself for putting her outside to begin with, then shaking with fear, almost paralyzed at the thought that I, we, might be losing her. I remained immersed in this sense of impending loss, sadness and fear for a few moments as I did a quick scan of the yard. Yes, there it was -- further evidence that she had been suffering for a while -- vomit, times five. Now, about ready to hurl, not at finding the puke, but because the fear and impending loss were twisting my stomach around their fingers. Then, as Kelly stood there, unafraid, yet a bit confused, I knew what to do. Seek more information!

I opened my senses and observed her movements while stroking her fur to soothe her. She melted into my care and took comfort in lying down as I coaxed her into her bed. Next, I called the vet to get a sanity check on what was going on... "Is she having a stroke?" I asked. "Not likely," the doc responded. "It's highly unusual for dogs to have strokes or other vascular episodes. It's tough to know what's going on without seeing her," she offered. "I understand, and thank you, but I feel as if I need to keep her here at home, at least for the evening, so I can be with her and get a better sense of what's going on." The doctor graciously gave me a few more minutes of her time as I shared more of Kelly's symptoms: nausea, drooling, refusing water and food, and a disoriented presence, paddling her legs about as if she were unsure how to use them. She agreed that it wasn't unreasonable for Kelly to stay at home tonight, then she provided me with a clue. "It could be something called Old Dog Vestibular Disease. This is a condition where they become suddenly dizzy, which would be in line with the symptoms that you're describing. You can treat the dizziness with Bonine to see if that helps." Wow! Okay, a new direction. I felt the grip on my stomach loosen a bit as I thanked the doctor, hung up the phone, and took a few deep breaths.

Now, as the details of Kelly's condition are still unfolding, I'll have to ask you to check back with me to see how things progress. Meanwhile, to share a bit more about how all this applies to my bigger story...

I'm beginning to see a pattern. The discovery of my dog in this state led me to open up my senses, look for clues not only in the physical landscape, but within my emotional body. My gut literally convinced me to seek out enough information to get very clear on the right thing to do. Being very present to the situation, to my dog, and to myself helped me to navigate the information that was coming in and to know, really know, what to do next. Without my presence, I could very well have spent the whole night fretting on the uncertainty of Kelly's lifespan, spinning tales of my own ineptitude at caring for my pets, or some other unproductive crazy-making activity. If information is key, perhaps presence is the hand that turns it.

6 tips for giving new meaning to Thanksgiving

This year we're staying home for Thanksgiving, just the three of us. ...and it's such a relief!

For years I would dread the coming of this holiday and I've rebelled against it in many ways throughout my adulthood. I rarely see my original family during this holiday anymore and I've inflicted tremendous guilt on myself for not feeling sad about this. It wasn't until embracing my sadness around the whole concept of Thanksgiving that I have felt not only relief from guilt and what I'm supposed to do, but a deep realization that I've actually not been rebelling so much as defining my own meaning of Thanksgiving.

The traditions set out for us as children are those of our parents and our forebears as taught to us in grade school. It's a time of gathering, possibly with family that may not be able or willing to engage in a way that feels good. It might entail traveling long distances, and at a time when air travel is an absolute cattle call and airfares are high. It means feasting, which can mean having way more food than is needed to feed those at the table, left over to be gorged upon in the coming days when others, even those in our own communities, are hungry and alone. ...and most of all, it means giving thanks, yet there can be a certain religious righteousness that goes all the way back to the Pilgrims that doesn't quite feel right (or at least for me, that's the case). In many ways, it represents traditions that may no longer serve us as adults. The good news is, we get to decide which traditions to carry forward and take the opportunity to reframe the holiday so we can enjoy it!

Answering the following questions can help bring new meaning to Thanksgiving for you. I've provided my own answers to these questions as examples.

1) What do you need and not need? What you think (or know) others expect of you will creep in here -- be careful to focus on your own needs when answering this question.

I need: deep connection, an opportunity to share abundance, to honor the harvest, to be encouraged to express myself and to feel safe and cared for in the company that's present.
I do not need: to travel long distances, to be with people who don't wish to engage with me, or to overindulge.
*hint* look to what matters most to you (your core values) to assist you here

2) What is your role THIS year? How do you want to take part? Notice how others' expectations of you creep in here, too. Focus on yourself and the part you want to play.
This year: I'm Mom -- creating a warm and welcome place for my step-daughter to come home to; I'm Wife -- providing a safe and nurturing refuge to my husband so he can be free to attend to his needs; I'm Daughter and Sister -- connecting with my parents and siblings by phone, meeting them right where they are; I'm a Sensitive Idealist -- donating extra food and volunteer hours to the local food pantry and preparing locally and sustainably grown foods for our table; I'm a Servant-Leader -- teaching by example and encouraging others to get what they need out of this holiday; and I'm a Compassionate Spiritual Being -- grateful to those who have sacrificed and lost, those who have taught me hard lessons and blessed by the abundance in my life.

3) Is there an emotion or feeling that you push aside when you think about all this?
Guilt and sadness are mine. Perhaps you feel lonely or misunderstood. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. Spend some time with this feeling, really be with this feeling, and notice what comes up. Blame? Fear? Relief? Anger? It's helpful to do this in conversation with a close friend, mentor or another who supports you.

4) What are you grateful for? Give voice to these things and be open to listening to the gratitude others express.
I'm grateful for my loving family, my ability to be compassionate to others' needs and the amazing uncertainty of each new day.

5) What traditions would you like to manifest? Take a look at the beliefs and customs you've experienced around celebrating Thanksgiving. What do you want to carry forward? What do you want to add or change? I like to think about what causes me and my family the least amount of stress when I consider this one. I also like to focus on what I love about the holiday and leave the rest. ;o)
I love the tradition of having certain items on the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, cranberry sauce and a green vegetable are a must. My additions to this piece are that we always buy an organic, free-range, locally grown turkey, my husband prepares it on the grill, and our green veggie of choice is brussels sprouts (as opposed to the green bean casserole my mom always made). Most, if not all, of the ingredients for our meal are locally and sustainably grown.
My husband and I provide a warm and welcome place that my step-daughter looks forward to coming home to.
I create a safe and comfortable environment for myself and encourage others to express their needs so that we can co-create safe and comfortable spaces for them, too.
I connect with my extended family by phone and share stories with them of the celebrations in each of our homes.
I engage in sharing abundance and gratitude and encourage others to do the same.

6) What about next year? It's important to be flexible and focus on what matters at the present time. Know that in future years your needs, roles and emotions may be different. You may be a guest and be uninvolved with preparing the meal (or selecting its ingredients), you may not have someone with you that you'd like to have with you, or you may choose to forgo the meal and focus on other traditions you've identified as important to you. Revisit these questions each year to be sure you're honoring your own traditions and keep your meaning of Thanksgiving current.

Identifying what's important to you then choosing to honor those things will give you tremendous freedom. Honor your values this Thanksgiving. It's a good first step in giving new meaning to the holiday!