Have you ever considered adding a creativity practice to your self-care regimen? Personally, I hadn't until a couple months ago when I was invited to beta test a mentor's new program. This was a writer's circle -- a safe place where I could come together with others to explore what it meant to fill my well, to feel into the areas that I'm stuck creatively, to see what keeps me stuck, to learn what releases me, and to actually get some writing done.
I got all that and more! Much to my surprise, I learned that the simple act of creating (writing short fiction, in this particular case) IS what fills my well. When my creative well is full, I am contently sated and at ease, yet somehow at the same time bristling with energy. Creativity is one way for me to raise my frequency, as it were, so that I feel soul-fed and, well, happy. ...but, alas, I found that it was really about the creative process becoming a regular practice. Something that I had to make room for regularly. For some, that means daily. For me, it's more like 4-5 days per week on average. It also integrates well into my life. I found that 30 minutes was sufficient for me and that using a timer freed me from distraction. The time flew, the words came seemingly out of nowhere and before I knew it I had the makings of a surprisingly adventurous tale. Never, before then, had I suspected that I would actually be sitting down to write a short story!
More surprising than all of this was the way the rest of my life began to flow after these creative writing sprints become a devoted practice. I found that I looked forward to each next session, happily anticipating how the story might unfold. My imagination and sense of things expanded in a way that felt right deep down in my cells. Solutions to long-standing problems began to simply come to me in moments of quiet. There was a strong sense of being cared for in a way I hadn't felt before. I was allowing myself to create, finally! It seemed awkward at first, but then it came into its natural, albeit somewhat chaotic and often fumbling, flow.
If you're a writer or simply have a sense that creative practice is missing in your life, I highly recommend setting a creative practice in motion for yourself. I like to do all sorts of creative things in addition to my fiction writing, like cook, draw, play/work in the garden and imagine. I think I might even learn how to knit to see if that's another outlet for me! Much of the work I do with my clients could even be categorized as creative as we explore the unknown together, discovering important guides and resources that are steadfast champions and always abundant. I want you to feel the freedom that comes from having such a practice for yourself. I wonder where you might find it?
So, next time you find yourself wishing for something, get creative! It might just be as easy as letting yourself do that artful thing you've not been letting yourself do!
Your creativity will thank you. Big time. I'd love to hear how it goes!
...and if writing IS your thing, my mentor, Jenna Avery, is starting her next Writer's Circle this coming Monday, November 28th. Check it out at: Just Do The Writing
(Full disclosure: this is an affiliate link and I earn commission from sales generated through this link. I highly recommend Jenna's work with or without the commission. ;o) )
Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-care. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Overwhelm and the trap of solving other people's problems
Have you ever felt as if you have no time to take care of your own stuff because people keep coming to you for answers? Or perhaps you've set aside time to complete a certain project and weird things start happening, like your dog throws up on the carpet just as you sit down to work so you have to stop everything to tend to the sick pooch and clean up the puke before a stain sets in. Or maybe you got tricked into the realm of someone else's problem by getting drawn into their drama, their rendition of how things aren't working for them just as they'd hoped, and before you know it you're offering to take care of their kids for the evening.
What's going on here? In all three instances, your boundaries are being assaulted and you're risking potential overwhelm.
Here's what you can do in each case:
You have no time to take care of your own stuff because people keep coming to you for answers.
In this case, it's likely that you encounter one or many people on a regular basis who have not yet learned to trust themselves AND they've learned that they can trust or at least rely on you. Perhaps you're a teacher or the parent of a teenager (or even young adult). Maybe you have an addict in your life. Or maybe you're in a leadership role. Perhaps you're just nice. Whatever the case may be, you're the go-to person. When you come to this place of feeling as if you have no time left for yourself, it's simply time to start saying no. Go ahead, try it! Here's where you can rely on that trustworthy, reliable quality in you. Say no, do it lovingly without excuses and they'll take their problems elsewhere (perhaps even surprising you by solving them themselves), trusting that you wouldn't steer them wrong and that you mean no harm by saying no. By saying no, you'll gain time for yourself to take care of your own stuff and you'll empower the other to create their own solutions.
You've set aside time to complete a certain project and weird things start happening.
This is one version of something that's called a cosmic 2x4. You're ready to start and might even be moving right along, when BLAM!! something seems to come out of nowhere and not only throws you off guard, but knocks your knees right out from under you, metaphorically speaking that is. Your time and energy are no longer available for you to use to complete your project. Instead, you must attend to this other person's (or dog's, as the case may be) needs. Their needs are urgent and become more important than your project in a matter of moments. When you become aware of these cosmic 2x4s happening to you, it's time to start paying attention. Something big is at play here. It's a good time to slow things way down and take things in smaller, more focused increments. That project that you had set aside time for needs some careful consideration, or perhaps it's your motivations for doing the project in the first place that need to be contemplated. Either way, take this as a major clue that there's some important information waiting for you to discover. You'll be able to find it once you slow down enough to quiet your mind and open your senses.
You got tricked into the realm of someone else's problem by getting drawn into their drama.
This can happen all too easily. You're out having drinks with a few friends and, after hearing one person's sad story about how their boss just lit into her because she was late, but her baby was home sick from school, and she'd just gotten into a car accident, and really, she just needed some time for herself. What well-meaning friend hasn't caved to this one?!? Of course you just want to take it all away from her, at least for one evening, so you offer to take care of her kids so she can have a much deserved date with her masseuse. In and of itself, this isn't so bad, but let's take this scenario a bit further, shall we? So, you've just put the oldest kid to bed, it's nearly 9 and you're expecting your friend home soon. You settle into the couch to relax a bit before making the drive back across town to your place so you, yourself, can head to bed. About 45 minutes later, your friend calls from a place with alot of background noise to tell you that she'd run into so-and-so and would I mind staying for just a little while longer while she... I think you get the picture. The friend has succeeded in drawing you into their drama. Now you're stuck and starting to feel some resentment welling up inside. You've been drawn into and could potentially be dragged down by someone else's drama. So what to do? Say NO! It could go something like this: "Yes, in fact, I do mind staying longer. I'm so happy that you've run into so-and-so. Perhaps you two can catch up further here at your place. I've got to get home. I've got a full day tomorrow. When will you be back?"
In cases such as this, it's important to not only say no, but to notice that you had gotten caught up in someone else's drama by trying to solve their problems. Key here is to resist that temptation when it happens again in the future. If you're lucky and the other person's drama was ugly or uncomfortable enough, it will be easier to resist your urge to solve their problems next time.
Are you prone to solving other people's problems? I'd love to hear about your inclinations in this area and what you do or have done when this causes overwhelm. ...and if saying no is new to you, give it a try and let me know how it goes, won't you? Please leave your comments below.
What's going on here? In all three instances, your boundaries are being assaulted and you're risking potential overwhelm.
Here's what you can do in each case:
You have no time to take care of your own stuff because people keep coming to you for answers.
In this case, it's likely that you encounter one or many people on a regular basis who have not yet learned to trust themselves AND they've learned that they can trust or at least rely on you. Perhaps you're a teacher or the parent of a teenager (or even young adult). Maybe you have an addict in your life. Or maybe you're in a leadership role. Perhaps you're just nice. Whatever the case may be, you're the go-to person. When you come to this place of feeling as if you have no time left for yourself, it's simply time to start saying no. Go ahead, try it! Here's where you can rely on that trustworthy, reliable quality in you. Say no, do it lovingly without excuses and they'll take their problems elsewhere (perhaps even surprising you by solving them themselves), trusting that you wouldn't steer them wrong and that you mean no harm by saying no. By saying no, you'll gain time for yourself to take care of your own stuff and you'll empower the other to create their own solutions.
You've set aside time to complete a certain project and weird things start happening.
This is one version of something that's called a cosmic 2x4. You're ready to start and might even be moving right along, when BLAM!! something seems to come out of nowhere and not only throws you off guard, but knocks your knees right out from under you, metaphorically speaking that is. Your time and energy are no longer available for you to use to complete your project. Instead, you must attend to this other person's (or dog's, as the case may be) needs. Their needs are urgent and become more important than your project in a matter of moments. When you become aware of these cosmic 2x4s happening to you, it's time to start paying attention. Something big is at play here. It's a good time to slow things way down and take things in smaller, more focused increments. That project that you had set aside time for needs some careful consideration, or perhaps it's your motivations for doing the project in the first place that need to be contemplated. Either way, take this as a major clue that there's some important information waiting for you to discover. You'll be able to find it once you slow down enough to quiet your mind and open your senses.
You got tricked into the realm of someone else's problem by getting drawn into their drama.
This can happen all too easily. You're out having drinks with a few friends and, after hearing one person's sad story about how their boss just lit into her because she was late, but her baby was home sick from school, and she'd just gotten into a car accident, and really, she just needed some time for herself. What well-meaning friend hasn't caved to this one?!? Of course you just want to take it all away from her, at least for one evening, so you offer to take care of her kids so she can have a much deserved date with her masseuse. In and of itself, this isn't so bad, but let's take this scenario a bit further, shall we? So, you've just put the oldest kid to bed, it's nearly 9 and you're expecting your friend home soon. You settle into the couch to relax a bit before making the drive back across town to your place so you, yourself, can head to bed. About 45 minutes later, your friend calls from a place with alot of background noise to tell you that she'd run into so-and-so and would I mind staying for just a little while longer while she... I think you get the picture. The friend has succeeded in drawing you into their drama. Now you're stuck and starting to feel some resentment welling up inside. You've been drawn into and could potentially be dragged down by someone else's drama. So what to do? Say NO! It could go something like this: "Yes, in fact, I do mind staying longer. I'm so happy that you've run into so-and-so. Perhaps you two can catch up further here at your place. I've got to get home. I've got a full day tomorrow. When will you be back?"
In cases such as this, it's important to not only say no, but to notice that you had gotten caught up in someone else's drama by trying to solve their problems. Key here is to resist that temptation when it happens again in the future. If you're lucky and the other person's drama was ugly or uncomfortable enough, it will be easier to resist your urge to solve their problems next time.
Are you prone to solving other people's problems? I'd love to hear about your inclinations in this area and what you do or have done when this causes overwhelm. ...and if saying no is new to you, give it a try and let me know how it goes, won't you? Please leave your comments below.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Extreme Measures
This past week has been a roller coaster ride of sorts.
Not being much of one for amusement parks for their mass appeal evidenced by the crowded long lines, mediocre food, blatant displays of seemingly everything representing the opposite of mindful, sustainable practices that I so love and the sticky-dirtiness that abounds there, I remain intrigued by the rides themselves, particularly the roller coasters. There's something about them that appeals to my high sensation seeking self that's at the same time a blatant assault on my kinder, gentler sensibilities. The way I laugh despite being jostled and bumped and jolted, my parts flailing helplessly at the spastic movements of the monster machine. The way my cheeks cramp from the ridiculous perma-grin plastered across my face as the skin of my cheeks is flung back from the Gs. The way the tears stream from the sheer exposure, not to mention the wind that blasts into me. The way it all comes to a sudden halt and the way it takes me a while to find my sea legs. The extremeness of the entire experience.
There's something about the way I feel completely and helplessly out of control while willingly in the clutches of the roller coaster that feels oddly similar in a somatic sense to the way I've been riding life lately. It's as if I've been flying around on the scaly-hard back of an ethereal dragon, clutching its neck as I hold on for dear life all-the-while being forced to trust its skill in holding us airborne as we loop, dodge and soar. An extreme letting go of affecting any difference at all in the course of our flight or the prospect of a safe landing.
In the midst of the crises inflicting this world, I'm forced to let go. For me, this is self-care in its most extreme form. There's so much that's out of my control. Everything, really, when it comes down to it. Everything except my choices. I just have to be here with all I've got, even those clumsy, odd, and ugly-beastly parts of me and trust that my experience, ability to listen and feel deeply, and my courage to remain open-hearted and vulnerable will be enough.
This is how I choose to be engaged right now. Much as I sometimes fantasize about living in complete isolation, safely complacent and shut off from the pain and suffering, I'm finding that my energy is rising and my compassion is growing by letting myself feel all of this. ...and ultimately, it feels pretty amazing. I'm feeling more connected than ever. What about you? Have you experienced this twisting, churning, inside out turning ride? ...or perhaps you're standing in line waiting to climb on board, or maybe you're keeping yourself safely cushioned within your comfort zone far away from this threatening whorl of chaos, unknown and infinite possibility. Where are you in this wild ride of life and what's the view like from there?
Not being much of one for amusement parks for their mass appeal evidenced by the crowded long lines, mediocre food, blatant displays of seemingly everything representing the opposite of mindful, sustainable practices that I so love and the sticky-dirtiness that abounds there, I remain intrigued by the rides themselves, particularly the roller coasters. There's something about them that appeals to my high sensation seeking self that's at the same time a blatant assault on my kinder, gentler sensibilities. The way I laugh despite being jostled and bumped and jolted, my parts flailing helplessly at the spastic movements of the monster machine. The way my cheeks cramp from the ridiculous perma-grin plastered across my face as the skin of my cheeks is flung back from the Gs. The way the tears stream from the sheer exposure, not to mention the wind that blasts into me. The way it all comes to a sudden halt and the way it takes me a while to find my sea legs. The extremeness of the entire experience.
There's something about the way I feel completely and helplessly out of control while willingly in the clutches of the roller coaster that feels oddly similar in a somatic sense to the way I've been riding life lately. It's as if I've been flying around on the scaly-hard back of an ethereal dragon, clutching its neck as I hold on for dear life all-the-while being forced to trust its skill in holding us airborne as we loop, dodge and soar. An extreme letting go of affecting any difference at all in the course of our flight or the prospect of a safe landing.
In the midst of the crises inflicting this world, I'm forced to let go. For me, this is self-care in its most extreme form. There's so much that's out of my control. Everything, really, when it comes down to it. Everything except my choices. I just have to be here with all I've got, even those clumsy, odd, and ugly-beastly parts of me and trust that my experience, ability to listen and feel deeply, and my courage to remain open-hearted and vulnerable will be enough.
This is how I choose to be engaged right now. Much as I sometimes fantasize about living in complete isolation, safely complacent and shut off from the pain and suffering, I'm finding that my energy is rising and my compassion is growing by letting myself feel all of this. ...and ultimately, it feels pretty amazing. I'm feeling more connected than ever. What about you? Have you experienced this twisting, churning, inside out turning ride? ...or perhaps you're standing in line waiting to climb on board, or maybe you're keeping yourself safely cushioned within your comfort zone far away from this threatening whorl of chaos, unknown and infinite possibility. Where are you in this wild ride of life and what's the view like from there?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Happy Monday!
Quick! Name three things you're happy about right now.
Ugh. It's Monday and it's a pretty typical one, which can mean that it might be just a little difficult to tap into that happy place. It's times like these that I revive myself with this little technique. You see, there once was a time that I would fall into deep inconsolable depression and despair practically every Sunday evening, just before bedtime. I knew that Monday was just around the corner, which meant the beginning of another week of working in a world that didn't understand me, being with friends who didn't support me (not really), and living a life that didn't feel like it fit me at all. Thank God I'm past that painful phase! I've learned so much since then. Yet occasionally, when something big in my life shifts or I become overly exhausted, those feelings of desperate isolation and deep sadness burrow their parasitic little heads into my skin to feed. This immediately brings me back to the bleakness of those Sundays, which I thank for the depth of their lesson. Next I acknowledge my ability to be resilient and open to possibility, then shift my attention toward the present moment. Here's where I ask myself to play along for just a few minutes. Ready? Okay...
Close your eyes and breathe slowly, inhaling deeply into your belly. Allow your exhales to soften your shoulders, your neck. Feel the surface of the chair that's beneath you -- feel it holding you. Sense the floor beneath the chair, uncross your legs and plant your feet solidly there. Breathe. Now allow yourself to scan your internal landscape. Notice how you feel in your body as you move your attention to your different parts. Breathe. Just notice. Take another deep breath.
Quick! Name three things you're happy about right now. Ah! Okay, I think I can do this...
I'm happy about my home. I love that I've managed to make this place pretty much just the way I want it. I'm comfortable here and it really feels just right. Ah...
I'm happy about my personal freedom. Wow! This is a big one. So often I see and hear people complaining and feeling victimized by their circumstances. I'm so affected by this that it feeds my own ability to choose to remain in a state of personal growth. This ability to choose is the personal freedom that I'm talking about here. Good stuff.
Petra, my younger dog. She's my daily reminder that there's boundless possibility for adventure, joyful excitement and soul-feeding surprises in each new day.
So, how about you? What 3 things are making you happy right now?
Ugh. It's Monday and it's a pretty typical one, which can mean that it might be just a little difficult to tap into that happy place. It's times like these that I revive myself with this little technique. You see, there once was a time that I would fall into deep inconsolable depression and despair practically every Sunday evening, just before bedtime. I knew that Monday was just around the corner, which meant the beginning of another week of working in a world that didn't understand me, being with friends who didn't support me (not really), and living a life that didn't feel like it fit me at all. Thank God I'm past that painful phase! I've learned so much since then. Yet occasionally, when something big in my life shifts or I become overly exhausted, those feelings of desperate isolation and deep sadness burrow their parasitic little heads into my skin to feed. This immediately brings me back to the bleakness of those Sundays, which I thank for the depth of their lesson. Next I acknowledge my ability to be resilient and open to possibility, then shift my attention toward the present moment. Here's where I ask myself to play along for just a few minutes. Ready? Okay...
Close your eyes and breathe slowly, inhaling deeply into your belly. Allow your exhales to soften your shoulders, your neck. Feel the surface of the chair that's beneath you -- feel it holding you. Sense the floor beneath the chair, uncross your legs and plant your feet solidly there. Breathe. Now allow yourself to scan your internal landscape. Notice how you feel in your body as you move your attention to your different parts. Breathe. Just notice. Take another deep breath.
Quick! Name three things you're happy about right now. Ah! Okay, I think I can do this...
I'm happy about my home. I love that I've managed to make this place pretty much just the way I want it. I'm comfortable here and it really feels just right. Ah...
I'm happy about my personal freedom. Wow! This is a big one. So often I see and hear people complaining and feeling victimized by their circumstances. I'm so affected by this that it feeds my own ability to choose to remain in a state of personal growth. This ability to choose is the personal freedom that I'm talking about here. Good stuff.
Petra, my younger dog. She's my daily reminder that there's boundless possibility for adventure, joyful excitement and soul-feeding surprises in each new day.
So, how about you? What 3 things are making you happy right now?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Smoke, Seeds and Shadows
A fierce wind blew out the moon late last night and brought in a morning so cloudless that everything was broadly lit by a rich, gorgeously golden sunlight. The crisp robin's egg blue sky provided such a contrast to the edges of the leaves and the hills and the birds and the wires that the word perspective didn't sufficiently describe the depth and aliveness of the scene.
It's midseason and also Groundhog Day, with a blown out moon, to boot, so I conjured up a bit of ceremony to call in spring by honoring its approach, lighting a bonfire and planting a few seeds, both those of intention and the vegetable kind, all under the supervision and guidance of my two dogs, three goats, several ravens and a red shouldered hawk. ...while chirpily serenaded by a chorus of frogs. It really was quite lovely!
Meanwhile, across the continent, Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator of prognosticators, has predicted that spring will come early this year, which makes me feel far less guilty for enjoying this beautiful day as I have been knowing that many, many others are suffering subzero temperatures and more snow than they'd like. Spring is on its way!
This day is a good day for grounding activities -- there's been so much expansive, sometimes creative, even destructive energy in the air that it's left many exhausted and overwhelmed, and others a bit confused or disoriented. Take good care, be close to the earth, light a candle (or a bonfire!) and take a good long soak in a beautifully scented, salted bath. The steps that you've taken and the cycles you have set in motion are about to reveal something big! Best that you are ready.
It's midseason and also Groundhog Day, with a blown out moon, to boot, so I conjured up a bit of ceremony to call in spring by honoring its approach, lighting a bonfire and planting a few seeds, both those of intention and the vegetable kind, all under the supervision and guidance of my two dogs, three goats, several ravens and a red shouldered hawk. ...while chirpily serenaded by a chorus of frogs. It really was quite lovely!Meanwhile, across the continent, Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator of prognosticators, has predicted that spring will come early this year, which makes me feel far less guilty for enjoying this beautiful day as I have been knowing that many, many others are suffering subzero temperatures and more snow than they'd like. Spring is on its way!
This day is a good day for grounding activities -- there's been so much expansive, sometimes creative, even destructive energy in the air that it's left many exhausted and overwhelmed, and others a bit confused or disoriented. Take good care, be close to the earth, light a candle (or a bonfire!) and take a good long soak in a beautifully scented, salted bath. The steps that you've taken and the cycles you have set in motion are about to reveal something big! Best that you are ready.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
5 Steps to Rejuvenate after the Holidays
This first week of the new year has been a whirlwind for me. Coming down from the sugar high and other overindulgences, ramping up for things to get back to some semblance of normal, cleaning out the accumulated clutter of decorations and leftover trimmings, and embarking into the uncharted territories ahead with the support of a new business building program underway... I'm feeling amped up, but admittedly a bit spun out! I'm feeling the need to get grounded and rejuvenated.
I imagine that a little rejuvenation might feel good to you right about now, too.
So... how can I keep this energetically lifted feeling, yet eliminate the overwhelm, you ask? Just follow these five easy steps and you'll be on your way:
STEP 1 -- Allow yourself to dream. What is it that you absolutely love? What feeds your soul? The fresh scent of earth as it's churned beneath your trowel? The vastness and wonder of a starry night sky or a rugged, isolated beach? The ecstatic bliss of being completely surrounded by and filled with music as you close your eyes and your body moves magically to the beat, the rhythm, the melody...
STEP 2 -- Decide. Now, if you weren't having fun already, really let loose here. What one thing would be most amazing to immerse yourself in right now? That's the one!
STEP 3 -- Schedule some YOU time. No have-to, must-do, gotta get done stuff here. And try and carve out time that will be yours alone. How much time depends on you. Two or three hours would be a really good start, but don't knock yourself if you can dedicate only 15 minutes. Seriously, write it on your calendar or your favorite time management tool. Consider scheduling several shorter "YOU times" if one long one feels daunting. [hint: this is a great place to ask for some help -- help caring for the kids, taking care of Mom, preparing that presentation. Now's a great time to cash in on offers of assistance and to delegate.]
STEP 4 -- Get moving! Put on your gardening clogs (or hiking boots, or dancing shoes...), get out there, and do it!
STEP 5 -- Reflect and acknowledge. After you return from your YOU time, perhaps as you close your eyes and nestle in to sleep that night, allow the memories of it to come rushing back. What were the smells in the air, the sensations on your skin, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the energy? Reflect on the details of your experience and give yourself some much-deserved credit for taking the time to recharge!
I'd love to hear how this goes for you, your experiences, what came easily and what got in the way... Please leave your comments below.
I imagine that a little rejuvenation might feel good to you right about now, too.
So... how can I keep this energetically lifted feeling, yet eliminate the overwhelm, you ask? Just follow these five easy steps and you'll be on your way:
STEP 1 -- Allow yourself to dream. What is it that you absolutely love? What feeds your soul? The fresh scent of earth as it's churned beneath your trowel? The vastness and wonder of a starry night sky or a rugged, isolated beach? The ecstatic bliss of being completely surrounded by and filled with music as you close your eyes and your body moves magically to the beat, the rhythm, the melody...
STEP 2 -- Decide. Now, if you weren't having fun already, really let loose here. What one thing would be most amazing to immerse yourself in right now? That's the one!
STEP 3 -- Schedule some YOU time. No have-to, must-do, gotta get done stuff here. And try and carve out time that will be yours alone. How much time depends on you. Two or three hours would be a really good start, but don't knock yourself if you can dedicate only 15 minutes. Seriously, write it on your calendar or your favorite time management tool. Consider scheduling several shorter "YOU times" if one long one feels daunting. [hint: this is a great place to ask for some help -- help caring for the kids, taking care of Mom, preparing that presentation. Now's a great time to cash in on offers of assistance and to delegate.]
STEP 4 -- Get moving! Put on your gardening clogs (or hiking boots, or dancing shoes...), get out there, and do it!
STEP 5 -- Reflect and acknowledge. After you return from your YOU time, perhaps as you close your eyes and nestle in to sleep that night, allow the memories of it to come rushing back. What were the smells in the air, the sensations on your skin, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the energy? Reflect on the details of your experience and give yourself some much-deserved credit for taking the time to recharge!
I'd love to hear how this goes for you, your experiences, what came easily and what got in the way... Please leave your comments below.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
6 tips for giving new meaning to Thanksgiving
This year we're staying home for Thanksgiving, just the three of us. ...and it's such a relief!
For years I would dread the coming of this holiday and I've rebelled against it in many ways throughout my adulthood. I rarely see my original family during this holiday anymore and I've inflicted tremendous guilt on myself for not feeling sad about this. It wasn't until embracing my sadness around the whole concept of Thanksgiving that I have felt not only relief from guilt and what I'm supposed to do, but a deep realization that I've actually not been rebelling so much as defining my own meaning of Thanksgiving.
The traditions set out for us as children are those of our parents and our forebears as taught to us in grade school. It's a time of gathering, possibly with family that may not be able or willing to engage in a way that feels good. It might entail traveling long distances, and at a time when air travel is an absolute cattle call and airfares are high. It means feasting, which can mean having way more food than is needed to feed those at the table, left over to be gorged upon in the coming days when others, even those in our own communities, are hungry and alone. ...and most of all, it means giving thanks, yet there can be a certain religious righteousness that goes all the way back to the Pilgrims that doesn't quite feel right (or at least for me, that's the case). In many ways, it represents traditions that may no longer serve us as adults. The good news is, we get to decide which traditions to carry forward and take the opportunity to reframe the holiday so we can enjoy it!
Answering the following questions can help bring new meaning to Thanksgiving for you. I've provided my own answers to these questions as examples.
I do not need: to travel long distances, to be with people who don't wish to engage with me, or to overindulge.
*hint* look to what matters most to you (your core values) to assist you here
2) What is your role THIS year? How do you want to take part? Notice how others' expectations of you creep in here, too. Focus on yourself and the part you want to play.
This year: I'm Mom -- creating a warm and welcome place for my step-daughter to come home to; I'm Wife -- providing a safe and nurturing refuge to my husband so he can be free to attend to his needs; I'm Daughter and Sister -- connecting with my parents and siblings by phone, meeting them right where they are; I'm a Sensitive Idealist -- donating extra food and volunteer hours to the local food pantry and preparing locally and sustainably grown foods for our table; I'm a Servant-Leader -- teaching by example and encouraging others to get what they need out of this holiday; and I'm a Compassionate Spiritual Being -- grateful to those who have sacrificed and lost, those who have taught me hard lessons and blessed by the abundance in my life.
3) Is there an emotion or feeling that you push aside when you think about all this?
Guilt and sadness are mine. Perhaps you feel lonely or misunderstood. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. Spend some time with this feeling, really be with this feeling, and notice what comes up. Blame? Fear? Relief? Anger? It's helpful to do this in conversation with a close friend, mentor or another who supports you.
4) What are you grateful for? Give voice to these things and be open to listening to the gratitude others express.
I'm grateful for my loving family, my ability to be compassionate to others' needs and the amazing uncertainty of each new day.
5) What traditions would you like to manifest? Take a look at the beliefs and customs you've experienced around celebrating Thanksgiving. What do you want to carry forward? What do you want to add or change? I like to think about what causes me and my family the least amount of stress when I consider this one. I also like to focus on what I love about the holiday and leave the rest. ;o)
I love the tradition of having certain items on the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, cranberry sauce and a green vegetable are a must. My additions to this piece are that we always buy an organic, free-range, locally grown turkey, my husband prepares it on the grill, and our green veggie of choice is brussels sprouts (as opposed to the green bean casserole my mom always made). Most, if not all, of the ingredients for our meal are locally and sustainably grown.
My husband and I provide a warm and welcome place that my step-daughter looks forward to coming home to.
I create a safe and comfortable environment for myself and encourage others to express their needs so that we can co-create safe and comfortable spaces for them, too.
I connect with my extended family by phone and share stories with them of the celebrations in each of our homes.
I engage in sharing abundance and gratitude and encourage others to do the same.
6) What about next year? It's important to be flexible and focus on what matters at the present time. Know that in future years your needs, roles and emotions may be different. You may be a guest and be uninvolved with preparing the meal (or selecting its ingredients), you may not have someone with you that you'd like to have with you, or you may choose to forgo the meal and focus on other traditions you've identified as important to you. Revisit these questions each year to be sure you're honoring your own traditions and keep your meaning of Thanksgiving current.
Identifying what's important to you then choosing to honor those things will give you tremendous freedom. Honor your values this Thanksgiving. It's a good first step in giving new meaning to the holiday!
For years I would dread the coming of this holiday and I've rebelled against it in many ways throughout my adulthood. I rarely see my original family during this holiday anymore and I've inflicted tremendous guilt on myself for not feeling sad about this. It wasn't until embracing my sadness around the whole concept of Thanksgiving that I have felt not only relief from guilt and what I'm supposed to do, but a deep realization that I've actually not been rebelling so much as defining my own meaning of Thanksgiving.
The traditions set out for us as children are those of our parents and our forebears as taught to us in grade school. It's a time of gathering, possibly with family that may not be able or willing to engage in a way that feels good. It might entail traveling long distances, and at a time when air travel is an absolute cattle call and airfares are high. It means feasting, which can mean having way more food than is needed to feed those at the table, left over to be gorged upon in the coming days when others, even those in our own communities, are hungry and alone. ...and most of all, it means giving thanks, yet there can be a certain religious righteousness that goes all the way back to the Pilgrims that doesn't quite feel right (or at least for me, that's the case). In many ways, it represents traditions that may no longer serve us as adults. The good news is, we get to decide which traditions to carry forward and take the opportunity to reframe the holiday so we can enjoy it!
Answering the following questions can help bring new meaning to Thanksgiving for you. I've provided my own answers to these questions as examples.
1) What do you need and not need? What you think (or know) others expect of you will creep in here -- be careful to focus on your own needs when answering this question.
I need: deep connection, an opportunity to share abundance, to honor the harvest, to be encouraged to express myself and to feel safe and cared for in the company that's present.I do not need: to travel long distances, to be with people who don't wish to engage with me, or to overindulge.
*hint* look to what matters most to you (your core values) to assist you here
2) What is your role THIS year? How do you want to take part? Notice how others' expectations of you creep in here, too. Focus on yourself and the part you want to play.
This year: I'm Mom -- creating a warm and welcome place for my step-daughter to come home to; I'm Wife -- providing a safe and nurturing refuge to my husband so he can be free to attend to his needs; I'm Daughter and Sister -- connecting with my parents and siblings by phone, meeting them right where they are; I'm a Sensitive Idealist -- donating extra food and volunteer hours to the local food pantry and preparing locally and sustainably grown foods for our table; I'm a Servant-Leader -- teaching by example and encouraging others to get what they need out of this holiday; and I'm a Compassionate Spiritual Being -- grateful to those who have sacrificed and lost, those who have taught me hard lessons and blessed by the abundance in my life.
3) Is there an emotion or feeling that you push aside when you think about all this?
Guilt and sadness are mine. Perhaps you feel lonely or misunderstood. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. Spend some time with this feeling, really be with this feeling, and notice what comes up. Blame? Fear? Relief? Anger? It's helpful to do this in conversation with a close friend, mentor or another who supports you.
4) What are you grateful for? Give voice to these things and be open to listening to the gratitude others express.
I'm grateful for my loving family, my ability to be compassionate to others' needs and the amazing uncertainty of each new day.
5) What traditions would you like to manifest? Take a look at the beliefs and customs you've experienced around celebrating Thanksgiving. What do you want to carry forward? What do you want to add or change? I like to think about what causes me and my family the least amount of stress when I consider this one. I also like to focus on what I love about the holiday and leave the rest. ;o)
I love the tradition of having certain items on the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, cranberry sauce and a green vegetable are a must. My additions to this piece are that we always buy an organic, free-range, locally grown turkey, my husband prepares it on the grill, and our green veggie of choice is brussels sprouts (as opposed to the green bean casserole my mom always made). Most, if not all, of the ingredients for our meal are locally and sustainably grown.
My husband and I provide a warm and welcome place that my step-daughter looks forward to coming home to.
I create a safe and comfortable environment for myself and encourage others to express their needs so that we can co-create safe and comfortable spaces for them, too.
I connect with my extended family by phone and share stories with them of the celebrations in each of our homes.
I engage in sharing abundance and gratitude and encourage others to do the same.
6) What about next year? It's important to be flexible and focus on what matters at the present time. Know that in future years your needs, roles and emotions may be different. You may be a guest and be uninvolved with preparing the meal (or selecting its ingredients), you may not have someone with you that you'd like to have with you, or you may choose to forgo the meal and focus on other traditions you've identified as important to you. Revisit these questions each year to be sure you're honoring your own traditions and keep your meaning of Thanksgiving current.
Identifying what's important to you then choosing to honor those things will give you tremendous freedom. Honor your values this Thanksgiving. It's a good first step in giving new meaning to the holiday!
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