Information is Key

I had planned to write today's blog post on my experiences while traveling in Cambodia last summer, but the events of my last fifteen hours or so have pointed me in another direction.

While working diligently yesterday afternoon on my homework for the awesome business-building course I'm taking, my elder dog, Kelly, was out back suffering from the sudden onset of what I believe to be Vestibular Disease. My focus was on myself and my work and I hadn't noticed how quiet my dogs were being as I plugged away happily, feeling quite content with my progress. You can imagine my dismay and gut-wrenching sadness when I went to let the girls in and found our dear Kelly seemingly unable to sense the location of the Earth beneath her, a dribble of saliva dangling from her typically dainty muzzle. I stood stricken, at first wanting to blame myself for putting her outside to begin with, then shaking with fear, almost paralyzed at the thought that I, we, might be losing her. I remained immersed in this sense of impending loss, sadness and fear for a few moments as I did a quick scan of the yard. Yes, there it was -- further evidence that she had been suffering for a while -- vomit, times five. Now, about ready to hurl, not at finding the puke, but because the fear and impending loss were twisting my stomach around their fingers. Then, as Kelly stood there, unafraid, yet a bit confused, I knew what to do. Seek more information!

I opened my senses and observed her movements while stroking her fur to soothe her. She melted into my care and took comfort in lying down as I coaxed her into her bed. Next, I called the vet to get a sanity check on what was going on... "Is she having a stroke?" I asked. "Not likely," the doc responded. "It's highly unusual for dogs to have strokes or other vascular episodes. It's tough to know what's going on without seeing her," she offered. "I understand, and thank you, but I feel as if I need to keep her here at home, at least for the evening, so I can be with her and get a better sense of what's going on." The doctor graciously gave me a few more minutes of her time as I shared more of Kelly's symptoms: nausea, drooling, refusing water and food, and a disoriented presence, paddling her legs about as if she were unsure how to use them. She agreed that it wasn't unreasonable for Kelly to stay at home tonight, then she provided me with a clue. "It could be something called Old Dog Vestibular Disease. This is a condition where they become suddenly dizzy, which would be in line with the symptoms that you're describing. You can treat the dizziness with Bonine to see if that helps." Wow! Okay, a new direction. I felt the grip on my stomach loosen a bit as I thanked the doctor, hung up the phone, and took a few deep breaths.

Now, as the details of Kelly's condition are still unfolding, I'll have to ask you to check back with me to see how things progress. Meanwhile, to share a bit more about how all this applies to my bigger story...

I'm beginning to see a pattern. The discovery of my dog in this state led me to open up my senses, look for clues not only in the physical landscape, but within my emotional body. My gut literally convinced me to seek out enough information to get very clear on the right thing to do. Being very present to the situation, to my dog, and to myself helped me to navigate the information that was coming in and to know, really know, what to do next. Without my presence, I could very well have spent the whole night fretting on the uncertainty of Kelly's lifespan, spinning tales of my own ineptitude at caring for my pets, or some other unproductive crazy-making activity. If information is key, perhaps presence is the hand that turns it.

5 Steps to Rejuvenate after the Holidays

This first week of the new year has been a whirlwind for me. Coming down from the sugar high and other overindulgences, ramping up for things to get back to some semblance of normal, cleaning out the accumulated clutter of decorations and leftover trimmings, and embarking into the uncharted territories ahead with the support of a new business building program underway... I'm feeling amped up, but admittedly a bit spun out! I'm feeling the need to get grounded and rejuvenated.

I imagine that a little rejuvenation might feel good to you right about now, too.

So... how can I keep this energetically lifted feeling, yet eliminate the overwhelm, you ask? Just follow these five easy steps and you'll be on your way:

STEP 1 -- Allow yourself to dream. What is it that you absolutely love? What feeds your soul? The fresh scent of earth as it's churned beneath your trowel? The vastness and wonder of a starry night sky or a rugged, isolated beach? The ecstatic bliss of being completely surrounded by and filled with music as you close your eyes and your body moves magically to the beat, the rhythm, the melody...

STEP 2 -- Decide. Now, if you weren't having fun already, really let loose here. What one thing would be most amazing to immerse yourself in right now? That's the one!

STEP 3 -- Schedule some YOU time. No have-to, must-do, gotta get done stuff here. And try and carve out time that will be yours alone. How much time depends on you. Two or three hours would be a really good start, but don't knock yourself if you can dedicate only 15 minutes. Seriously, write it on your calendar or your favorite time management tool. Consider scheduling several shorter "YOU times" if one long one feels daunting. [hint: this is a great place to ask for some help -- help caring for the kids, taking care of Mom, preparing that presentation. Now's a great time to cash in on offers of assistance and to delegate.]

STEP 4 -- Get moving! Put on your gardening clogs (or hiking boots, or dancing shoes...), get out there, and do it!

STEP 5 -- Reflect and acknowledge. After you return from your YOU time, perhaps as you close your eyes and nestle in to sleep that night, allow the memories of it to come rushing back. What were the smells in the air, the sensations on your skin, the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the energy? Reflect on the details of your experience and give yourself some much-deserved credit for taking the time to recharge!

I'd love to hear how this goes for you, your experiences, what came easily and what got in the way... Please leave your comments below.

Reflections

Catching myself gazing deeply at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, scrutinizing the creases of my forehead, the unevenness of my skin tone and the loss of elasticity of the skin of my throat, I shift my thoughts in an effort to distract myself from what could become a seriously vicious game of a let's-find-all-your-flaws. Struck by the metaphor of the looking glass, I decide to take a look, instead, at what's good and true in my life by reviewing the events of this past year. Remind myself what I've been up to, what I've learned and give myself credit for a few things (for a change...). "Step away from the mirror!" I say sternly to myself. I shift my energy and my attitude consciously by moving to my favorite sitting spot, closing my eyes and allowing the meanness of my mind to clear. Hum saaaaaa.....

After several breaths (okay, maybe a hundred or so), a sense of freedom rises within me and my kinder, gentler self emerges. "You've had one pretty amazing year, Lydia!" she says, brightly. "You're not kidding," I respond. "I think it was the best year yet!" we chime together.

I open my eyes and feel tremendously refreshed. My curiosity pulls me over to my calendar to review all that's happened. Being seen (REALLY being seen), new career, training after training, amazing (like never before) learning experiences,  adventure, travel (finally used my passport!), new and deepening connections, new friends, new clients, deceit and the opportunity to recover from it, death, death, death, including it all and releasing the stuff that no longer serves me. A big year, indeed.

One unexpected benefit of all that happened to me in this past year is that others are getting more of the good stuff that comes from me and me of them. There's a sort of conscious expansion that's happening between those I'm closest to that's nothing less than magical. It's like what I got out of this year has boiled over, providing others with the results of my lessons as I've learned BIG and have more of myself to give than ever.

Here are some of the discoveries, explorations and highlights of my year:
MAGNITUDE -- a clear realization that I've been playing way too small my whole life and that I must step forth boldly, take bigger risks, become visible (highly visible) and achieve great things...

COACHING -- now THIS is a way I can serve! mentoring, supporting, listening, growing, transforming, connecting... profoundly satisfying!

AWARENESS -- I now know WAY more about myself (thus the world) than ever... I'm gaining confidence, skills, mastery, wisdom, patience, compassion and a sense of the synergy that exists in REAL learning -- magical.

SELF-COMPASSION -- stopped beating myself up (I'm still working on this one) and began treating myself more like someone I dearly love. People are imperfect and prone to making mistakes and poor judgment calls. Forgive thyself and start living NOW!

LOSS -- it happens, it hurts, include it in all that you are and feel it fully. Tremendous growth follows.

ADVENTURE -- just do it! live today. explore without judgment and with plenty of curiosity, be with everything that happens as it happens... pure bliss!

As the year winds down, I feel an increasing sense of gratitude for my life and the opportunities that I've been blessed with. There are so many things that I've experienced for the first time and seemingly countless and interwoven themes to accompany the moments I've spent. Surprisingly, and what feels like another first, I'm not overwhelmed by the hugeness of all this, rather I feel very well fed. Nurtured.

When you look back on your year, what do you notice? What have you learned? How have you stepped forth? Give yourself the time and space to reflect a bit and acknowledge yourself for all you've been through, good and bad. Let me know how it goes, will you? Just leave a comment here...

Something's about to shift...

Tomorrow's Winter Solstice will be paraded in by a full moon and a total lunar eclipse tonight. Opinions seem to vary on the significance of this astronomical coincidence, however it's certainly a rare astronomical event. Wikipedia says, "It will be the first total lunar eclipse to occur on the day of the Winter Solstice since 1638."  I can't help but feel that this marks the apex of a great turning.

Go ahead, google it... there are plenty of articles out there saying this and that. My idealistic nature tends toward following the threads of hope and possibility. My sensitive nature tells me to celebrate this occurrence by setting some intentions and staying up late to watch this celestial ceremony take place.

Here's a little of what I've learned in exploring this phenomenon:
According to Molly's Astrology, "The Full Moon is the culmination of the Moon’s cycle, and the beginning of the waning phase. . . . This is a good period for working on ourselves, finalizing things, processing information, wrapping up, and letting go of the things we don’t need anymore. This is a time for progress in the inner, rather than outer, realm. Farmers often use this time to plant root crops, which grow under the surface of the earth. A Lunar eclipse is a very special Full Moon. Decisions we make, things we let go of, and things we finish during this waning cycle have significance in the future. It is an excellent time to give up an old habit, for example, smoking. Full Moons in general, and Lunar eclipses in particular, are times of high emotion, and they bring awareness. The Sun and the Moon, our animus and our emotions, are on opposite sides of the sky, as if the other were a mirror. This is a time of mirroring, we can see ourselves in others if we are willing to look."

In the past weeks, I'd already begun finishing up old projects that have been looming and readying myself to shed what no longer serves, somehow driven to do this -- now more than ever before in my life. This letting go makes room to feel our emotions deeply and learn from them, allowing the new-found knowledge to turn to wisdom in our bodies as we assimilate what we're learning on a cellular level. As we take in each breath of the eclipsing moon as the Earth's shadow melds with the Solstice Sun's radiance to cast a blood-red glow, the breath swirling into the farthest reaches of our being, the Universe breathes us back.

This eclipsing moon is happening during what is known astrologically as The Long Night's Moon [astrologyexplored.net] and the Winter Solstice. "In Celtic mythology the Winter Solstice marks the death of the “old king” an allegory for the old year, and the birth of the “new king,” the New Year. There will be endings, but in these events are the seeds of new growth. In Celtic legend, the “new king’s” birth is hidden until December 24th, when the days start to visibly lengthen. The period in between the solstice and December 24th is called the nameless day, a period suspended between death and birth and belonging to the realm of the underworld. Eclipses act like an exclamation point . . . !"

It's a time of celebration -- for the coming year, the lengthening of the days, and now the new and great things on the horizon. ...and for me and a few other people I know, a birthday! I hope you'll join me in celebrating by looking skyward tonight and setting an intention of what you'd like to let go of, bring to a close, once and for all END! If you can't stay up that late don't worry, what's most important is that you give voice to what you're willing to let go of. What better time than now for preparing to kick off the next big thing in your life or even hit the "restart" button altogether.

I'd love to know what you will be casting off tonight. You can share some of your intentions here by leaving a comment.

I found my voice today!

I didn't realize it until I got into my car and headed to town this morning that it's been over a week since I've been able to sing. I just started singing along to the radio, as I almost always do, and realized that it felt REALLY good. Then, I realized that I hadn't been able to sing or even hum at all for the past nine days due to a cold that had infected my upper respiratory system, causing fits of dry, croupy coughs with seemingly no instigation. I couldn't even clear my throat, let alone put a lilt in my speaking voice without setting off a coughing fit. Singing had been out of the question.

Now, the interesting thing here is that I had been given the opportunity to see just how profoundly I had missed being able to sing! It was that REALLY good feeling evoked from singing along to the radio this morning that reminded me just how important this is as a creative outlet for me. I'm by no means an exceptional singer, and I rarely, if ever, sing for anyone but myself. In fact, I don't see myself as one who is particularly creative on purpose, as in an artist or a musician or a writer. This experience has helped me to see that I actually do use my creativity purposefully, even though the end product of my creativity isn't something tangible that another could hold, hear or read. The movement of my breath and voice, my face and mouth, my body's dance (as much as is possible while safely driving, that is!) and my hands' drumming of the steering wheel shifts and churns my emotions in such a way that I feel increasingly freed as I move along toward my destination. A sort of eyes-wide-open moving meditation, if you will. The further I go down the road, the better I'm able to let go of the doubt, the anger, the sadness, the judgment, the self-deprication... I'm brought toward a centeredness that enables me to walk tall, almost floating through each step.

I'm grateful for this unplanned fast from singing for the new appreciation it's brought me. I wonder what else I do that's a creative expression of sorts. I'm excited to use this new awareness to stretch my creativity and honor its natural place within me. I wonder what creative expressions others have that are missed when time or ills won't allow for them to be voiced. What about you?

6 tips for giving new meaning to Thanksgiving

This year we're staying home for Thanksgiving, just the three of us. ...and it's such a relief!

For years I would dread the coming of this holiday and I've rebelled against it in many ways throughout my adulthood. I rarely see my original family during this holiday anymore and I've inflicted tremendous guilt on myself for not feeling sad about this. It wasn't until embracing my sadness around the whole concept of Thanksgiving that I have felt not only relief from guilt and what I'm supposed to do, but a deep realization that I've actually not been rebelling so much as defining my own meaning of Thanksgiving.

The traditions set out for us as children are those of our parents and our forebears as taught to us in grade school. It's a time of gathering, possibly with family that may not be able or willing to engage in a way that feels good. It might entail traveling long distances, and at a time when air travel is an absolute cattle call and airfares are high. It means feasting, which can mean having way more food than is needed to feed those at the table, left over to be gorged upon in the coming days when others, even those in our own communities, are hungry and alone. ...and most of all, it means giving thanks, yet there can be a certain religious righteousness that goes all the way back to the Pilgrims that doesn't quite feel right (or at least for me, that's the case). In many ways, it represents traditions that may no longer serve us as adults. The good news is, we get to decide which traditions to carry forward and take the opportunity to reframe the holiday so we can enjoy it!

Answering the following questions can help bring new meaning to Thanksgiving for you. I've provided my own answers to these questions as examples.

1) What do you need and not need? What you think (or know) others expect of you will creep in here -- be careful to focus on your own needs when answering this question.

I need: deep connection, an opportunity to share abundance, to honor the harvest, to be encouraged to express myself and to feel safe and cared for in the company that's present.
I do not need: to travel long distances, to be with people who don't wish to engage with me, or to overindulge.
*hint* look to what matters most to you (your core values) to assist you here

2) What is your role THIS year? How do you want to take part? Notice how others' expectations of you creep in here, too. Focus on yourself and the part you want to play.
This year: I'm Mom -- creating a warm and welcome place for my step-daughter to come home to; I'm Wife -- providing a safe and nurturing refuge to my husband so he can be free to attend to his needs; I'm Daughter and Sister -- connecting with my parents and siblings by phone, meeting them right where they are; I'm a Sensitive Idealist -- donating extra food and volunteer hours to the local food pantry and preparing locally and sustainably grown foods for our table; I'm a Servant-Leader -- teaching by example and encouraging others to get what they need out of this holiday; and I'm a Compassionate Spiritual Being -- grateful to those who have sacrificed and lost, those who have taught me hard lessons and blessed by the abundance in my life.

3) Is there an emotion or feeling that you push aside when you think about all this?
Guilt and sadness are mine. Perhaps you feel lonely or misunderstood. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed. Spend some time with this feeling, really be with this feeling, and notice what comes up. Blame? Fear? Relief? Anger? It's helpful to do this in conversation with a close friend, mentor or another who supports you.

4) What are you grateful for? Give voice to these things and be open to listening to the gratitude others express.
I'm grateful for my loving family, my ability to be compassionate to others' needs and the amazing uncertainty of each new day.

5) What traditions would you like to manifest? Take a look at the beliefs and customs you've experienced around celebrating Thanksgiving. What do you want to carry forward? What do you want to add or change? I like to think about what causes me and my family the least amount of stress when I consider this one. I also like to focus on what I love about the holiday and leave the rest. ;o)
I love the tradition of having certain items on the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, cranberry sauce and a green vegetable are a must. My additions to this piece are that we always buy an organic, free-range, locally grown turkey, my husband prepares it on the grill, and our green veggie of choice is brussels sprouts (as opposed to the green bean casserole my mom always made). Most, if not all, of the ingredients for our meal are locally and sustainably grown.
My husband and I provide a warm and welcome place that my step-daughter looks forward to coming home to.
I create a safe and comfortable environment for myself and encourage others to express their needs so that we can co-create safe and comfortable spaces for them, too.
I connect with my extended family by phone and share stories with them of the celebrations in each of our homes.
I engage in sharing abundance and gratitude and encourage others to do the same.

6) What about next year? It's important to be flexible and focus on what matters at the present time. Know that in future years your needs, roles and emotions may be different. You may be a guest and be uninvolved with preparing the meal (or selecting its ingredients), you may not have someone with you that you'd like to have with you, or you may choose to forgo the meal and focus on other traditions you've identified as important to you. Revisit these questions each year to be sure you're honoring your own traditions and keep your meaning of Thanksgiving current.

Identifying what's important to you then choosing to honor those things will give you tremendous freedom. Honor your values this Thanksgiving. It's a good first step in giving new meaning to the holiday!

Halloween, Death and Funerals

I've been somewhat consumed by the impending death of my mother-in-law. I'm sad that her time here with us is almost used up, grateful for having known her and moved by the way that my husband is grieving the loss of his mother, even already now that he's accepting the reality that she won't be around much longer.

Too, it seems that I've been hearing about death quite a bit lately. The death of loved ones close to people I know. It's almost as if death is something the season brings, along with the falling of leaves and the shifting winds.

It seems that there's some truth to this and I'm not the only one who's been thinking this way. Just the other day I received an email from a friend and mentor. She shared a lovely article that I'd like to pass along to you as it provides a fresh and soothing perspective that I've taken great inspiration from.

Halloween, Death and Funerals
By: Michelle Schubnel


I have always loved Halloween. 

As a kid, it was about scoring as
much candy as possible. In my teenage
years, it was a night when I could
justify getting into trouble. And
as an adult, I have totally loved
costuming-up for Halloween parties.

Halloween now has a new meaning for
me. My mom died on October 28, 2005
and her funeral was on Halloween. A
few hours after she died we set
October 31 as the date for the funeral.
At the time I thought, "Well this
really sucks. From now on Halloween
won't be fun because the day will
always remind me of my mom's funeral."

My mother's funeral was a spectacular
East Coast autumn day... clear, crisp
and sunny. As I noticed signs of the
changing season, I remembered something
that I learned from my study of and
participation in Native American
traditions.

According to Native American philosophy,
the time between Halloween (October 31st)
and All Souls Day (November 1st) is the
time of year when the "veil between the
two worlds is the thinnest." It is the
time when the spirit world is closest
and most connected to our physical world
here on earth.

That perspective shifted how I felt about
my mom being buried on Halloween. Instead
of it being a bummer, it was now a gift.
Suddenly it was "pretty cool" that my mom's
funeral was on Halloween.

The next Halloween, one year after my
mother's funeral, I participated in a
sweat lodge ceremony - a native American
prayer tradition, conducted inside a sweat
lodge, which looks like an igloo but feels
like a sauna. During the ceremony we were
reminded that the end of October through
the beginning of November is a powerful
time to connect with the souls and spirits
of people who have passed on.

During that sweat lodge ceremony I felt
my Mom's presence in a big way, much more
so than at any other time since her death.
It was incredibly powerful and enabled me
to see and experience how I can still have
a profound connection with my mom, even
though she is no longer here physically
on earth.

It's now been 5 years since my mother's
death. With the passing of time I have
found that the intense pain and sadness
has lessened, and the overall missing of
my mom has increased. 

If you are experiencing grief from the
loss of a loved one, I encourage you to
take advantage of this special time of
year and connect with the people in your
life who have passed on. Allow the feelings
of sadness and grief to be fully felt. Take
comfort in special memories. Remember and
honor all that you loved about the person.
Ask for guidance and support. This is a
powerful time of year to reconnect.

In memory of:
Barbara Ann Schubnel
1943 - 2005

Barbara at the Venetian
Vegas Trip - Summer 2004

I love and miss you Mom. It's too bad you
never got to meet my wonderful husband Adam.
I know you would love him as much as I do.

reprinted with permission, Michelle Schubnel, Coach & Grow RICH, www.CoachandGrowRICH.com